Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are two peas in an std pod
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
