How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
