Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
