I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
