all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Randomize
