Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
