I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
