im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
