In America we eat man semen.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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