You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
