Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
