I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
