You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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