Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
