Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
