how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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