Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
