I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My ATM looks so different sober.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
