I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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