my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
