We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
