I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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