I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
