I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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