I think i peed on brittanys purse
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
