My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
