this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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