Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
