I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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