Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
