a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need help removing her.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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