my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
