So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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