so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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