just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
