I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i've created a new STD.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
