I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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