Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Someone came in the potted fern
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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