Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So much rum. So many feels.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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