Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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