She's JV to your varsity
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
