You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
