I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
