So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
