There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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