after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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