omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
