dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
