So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
