did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
