At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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