I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
